10 Questions for Count Dracula

Dear Readers, few harbingers of horror have hung around as long as Count Dracula. There are many accounts of Dracula and vampires, but so far all I have read include Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1897) and John Polidori’s The Vampyre (1821). Therefore, my knowledge of Dracula remains incomplete, and I’ve composed ten questions I’d ask him, should we ever meet. (I hope we don’t.)

1. We know you victimized Lucy Westenra in Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Have you ever tried to victimize Lucy van Pelt from “Peanuts”?

Pen and ink illustration in black and white depicting Lucy van Pelt from Peanuts whacking a shocked Dracula on the head while she cries, "You ruined my beauty sleep!"
Lucy van Pelt shows Count Dracula what bats are really meant for.

2. Do you vote? Technically, in some ways you’re dead, but that doesn’t seem to matter.

3. Do plus-sized victims pose unique challenges?

Pen and ink drawing in black and white depicting Dracula considering biting a sleeping, larger lady.
Count Dracula considers the unique challenge of a larger lady.

4. What is your favorite color?

5. If you subsist on blood, then why are you always portrayed with a full set of teeth? What do you need to chew?

6. Some people believe that humans evolved from apes. Do you think you evolved from Nosferatu?

Pen and ink black and white drawing of Count Dracula and Nosferatu looking at each other.
Count Dracula and his ancestor, Nosferatu, Courtesy Morra Morron © 2022

7. George Hamilton portrayed you in the 1979 film Love at First Bite. Now, if you’re mortally allergic to sunlight, why would Hollywood use the #1 Tan Man to play you?

8. Can you blend blood meal with water in a blender to make a shake?

Pen and ink drawing in black and white depicting Dracula trying to make a shake with a blender, the top has flown off and he's making a mess!
The Count makes a blood shake with blood meal,
water, and modern technology.

9. Why do your eyes sometimes glow red? It makes you look like a fruit fly and it’s kind of stupid.

Photo of Christopher Lee as Dracula from the 1968 movie Dracula Has Risen from the Grave. Close-up of his red eyes.
Christopher Lee in the 1968 movie Dracula Has Risen from the Grave, before Visine. http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1kJ8_kc2jew/VAUHMP0prHI/AAAAAAAAHm8/Wy5ivwGpb8I/s1600/Draculas%2Beyes.PNG

10. Countless books and movies cashed in on your persona, and still do. Are you angry for never receiving royalties, although you’re a count?

Thank you everyone for taking a peek! Next installment: Dracula vs. A Twelve-Year Old Girl (No, there’s nothing inappropriate!)

Photo of a girl making a face and standing in front of the manor house in Batsto Village, Wharton State Park, New Jersey, on a cloudy day. Above her in red letters Romanian Va multumesc! Pe mai tarziu! meaning Thank you, see you later!
Old home in the Carpathians? Old German homestead? Nope. New Jersey, Batsto Village.

Published by Morra Rose

I love the links between life and literature, and couldn't get by day-to-day without a little humor. Here's my place to share thoughts and discoveries in bite-sized pieces, illustrated by my sister Morra Morron. Enjoy!

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